The
Experience of Loneliness
In an attempt to understand loneliness and what it is, I analyzed 180
poems that were on Internet, written by many people, in order to
understand what are some of the common themes that people mentioned with
regards to loneliness. I have a shorter
summary of this in another section. Below is a description of
what I think are some of the salient components of loneliness.
Please bear in mind that these descriptions and interpretations are my own
and do not necessary reflect the thinking of anyone else. They are
not meant to be the final answer on the matter, and is only described here
as a way of illuminating some of the common experiences associated with
loneliness. If you disagree with something I wrote here, or would
like to discuss any point with me further, please feel free to send me an email.
The Causes of Loneliness.
People feel lonely because they don't have the required friendships that
they need. Poets described feelings of being isolated, lacking
social support, feeling invisible, or feeling that no one around
understands what that person is going through. So in essence, lonely
individuals (like everyone else) need friendships, friends who would take
notice of them, understand and empathize with their situation, and provide
support when needed. However, lonely individuals seem unable to
achieve this required depth of friendship in order to dispel their
loneliness. Some of the reasons given for this include:
Being abused and rejected by
others. In this case, people
outside of the lonely individual have treated this person in a rejecting
manner. These include things like being lied to, being made fun of,
being abandoned or rejected (by family and friends), being told abusive
things like, "you're no good", or "we don't want you
around." In these cases of verbal and psychological assaults,
individuals develop defensive walls to protect themselves from this
negative environment, often times shutting out both people that can help
them as well as those that can harm them.
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Being unable
to fit in. Closely linked to the previous idea is another
idea of being unable to fit in. Sometimes lonely individuals feel as
if they are "a black pearl in a box of shining jewels."
They feel like a misfit, someone who cannot fit in with the rest of the
crowd. Very often there are feelings of wanting to be like everyone
else, to be "normal" instead of standing out and being rejected
because of it. In some cases, the desire may extend to being popular
and well-liked, not only fitting in but being looked up to and admired.
Broken heart or missing
someone. Not surprising, in some of the poems I
encountered, loneliness was because of a reason break up in a romantic
relationship, or just simply missing that special someone in their
life. Sometimes when romantic relationships end, there is a feeling
of intense loneliness, and this was especially the case for lonely
individuals who experienced a break up with a person that they were still
in love with. Within all of us is a desire to have special people
close to us, and when that special someone is torn away from us, these
intense feelings of loneliness can occur.
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