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Objective 5:
Phenomenological approach to loneliness and coping strategies.
A. and B. Derived categories and their frequencies. In all, 24 different categories were found.
Below (Table 10) is the list of categories, their frequencies,
along with their descriptions, and common example phrases.
The table is arranged according to the themes causes of loneliness,
descriptions of loneliness and coping strategies.
Within each theme, categories are arranged by the number of people
whose poems/narratives mentioned the particular code. (Click
here for a more comprehensive description).
Categories, frequencies,
descriptions and excerpts of poems and narratives.
|
Category
|
Description
|
Excerpts
|
|
Causes of Loneliness
|
|
|
1. No Social Network
(n = 93)
|
A lack of friendships
or people, especially people who care for and understand the person.
|
lack of support, no
one around, isolation, lack of steady friendships, invisible,
solitude, alone, no one understands you,
|
|
2. Abuse or Rejection
(n = 39)
|
An expressed feeling
of being abused, mistreated or rejected by others
|
used and abused,
treated as a pest, hated, lied to, unloved, burnt by those around
me, abandoned, neglected, play those stupid games, rejection, I have
been called horrible names, feelings of neglection, I became the
butt of a joke.
|
|
3. Broken heart
(n = 35)
|
A feeling of being
rejected by a loved one
|
my heart shattered
into a million pieces, broken heart, he doesn’t love you, the one
you love has gone away, my heart it’s now crushed
|
|
4. Missing someone
(n = 22)
|
The expressed feeling
of missing a significant someone
|
missing you, I wish I
could be with you, I want to be in your arms, I miss my friends
|
|
5. Misfit/ unable to
fit in
(n = 13)
|
Expressions of feeling
different from others or unable to fit into the status quo
|
black pearl in a box
of shining jewels, I wish I was more like everyone else, I cannot be
loved, you simply won’t fit, I am just an outsider looking in, not
“popular”
|
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Descriptions of
Loneliness
|
|
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1. Pain
(n = 101)
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Anything described as
painful or is implied as being painful (e.g. broken, bleeding).
|
pain, hurt, sorrow,
suffering, ache, depression, sadness, torn up, broken, bleeding
|
|
2. No Direction,
Purpose
(n = 74)
|
A feeling of being
lost, confused, or not knowing
|
Lost, drowning,
blinded, being nowhere, lack of meaning, darkness, lack of
understanding, clueless, no where to turn, night, I don’t know
|
|
3. Nothingness
(n = 60)
|
A feeling of emptiness
or nothingness
|
void, emptiness,
nothingness, black hole, something missing, abyss, hollow,
incomplete, empty space
|
|
4. Trait loneliness
(n = 42)
|
A ever-present sense
of feeling lonely
|
years of loneliness,
feeling never goes away, inescapable, all the time, always there, no
exits,
|
|
5. Being Overwhelmed
(n = 41)
|
A feeling or sense of
being overwhelmed or reaching one’s limits in dealing with an
emotion
|
Overwhelms, I don’t
know how much longer I can take this, taking too much, slowly
drowning in a sea of despair, torn me apart, I’m about to burst,
close to breaking
|
|
6. No control
(n = 34)
|
Having a sense of not
being in control of one’s emotions, wishes or desires
|
emotion that betrays,
takes the will away, steal your soul, binds you in chains and
robbing you, being a prisoner, forces outside our control,
paralyzing
|
|
7. No emotion
(n = 34)
|
A state of not feeling
anything or any emotions
|
cold, void of true
feelings, no life, frozen, icicle princess, chill
|
|
8. Scared or Afraid
(n = 29)
|
A feeling of being
afraid or scared of something, usually of loneliness or of being
rejected
|
fear, loneliness is
the scariest thing there is, frightened that I’ll never see you
again, fear of disappointing, dread, afraid to [cry], scared [of
apathy]
|
|
9. Anger/ hatred
(n = 20)
|
Expressed feelings of
anger or hatred, usually against a person or loneliness itself
|
I am fucking pissed
off, all the hate remains, I hate you with love, hatred, anger, I
hate being alone, drive a person mad with anger, the world of hate,
raging calmness, I hate people
|
|
Coping with Loneliness
|
|
|
1. Desire for someone
(n = 77)
|
The expressed desire
for someone, usually believed to be their cure for loneliness
|
longing for someone by
my side, all I really need is someone to care, I wish everyone could
have someone, someone to come along and be my one true friend &
love
|
|
2. Crying (n=
73)
|
Experiences related to
crying
|
cry, tears, weep
|
|
3. Hiding feelings
(n = 36)
|
A desire to hide
one’s painful feelings or feelings of loneliness
|
I feel pain no one
dares to show, can’t seem to bare, I lock the pain away in the
vault of my heart, your pain you have to hide, my secret loneliness,
a professional faker, a mask, can’t let people see the pain,
secret tears, I keep all my feelings to myself
|
|
4. Inactivity
(n = 33)
|
Expressions of periods
of low physical activity
|
sit and watch, sit
inside, sit in corner, lay in my bed, sit and wait, sit alone and
wonder, curl up in a ball
|
|
5. Withdrawal
(n = 25)
|
A pulling away from
reality, having or living in a dream.
|
run away, teapped in a
fantasy world, dream, denial, wishes, an illusion, an envelope you
can send yourself into
|
|
6. Death
(n = 23)
|
Descriptions of death,
or wanting to commit suicide
|
loneliness can kill,
killing myself to get away, I’m fascinated with death, death I can
accept, I shall die, looking by the suicide mystery, I’m dying,
suicide for 2
|
|
7. Religion
(n = 13)
|
Religious expressions,
usually in response to feeling lonely
|
in His hand he helps
me, pray for a miracle, oh god I hope I’m wrong, oh god…do you
know, find yourself praying to God, Jesus is the light, I hope and
pray
|
|
8. Sleep
(n = 12)
|
Poems mentioning sleep
especially as a way of coping with loneliness
|
I don’t use sleep as
a way of rest, cry yourself to sleep, you close your eyes in restful
sleep, crying myself to sleep, I fall asleep with you on my mind, I
fell asleep, the sandman comes
|
Causes
of loneliness. From the
categories derived, five categories stood out as possible causes of
loneliness. These were in
order of frequency mentioned: no social network, abuse or rejection,
broken heart, missing someone, and misfit.
No social network was by far one of the most pervasive themes
mentioned by the authors. Very
often the authors mentioned that there were people around to talk to, but
somehow these people weren’t considered appropriate sources of social
support. There was a lack of
closeness. Abuse and
rejection came from several sources: parents, peers and past or present
romantic partners. The idea
of being a misfit or being unable to fit in seemed closely tied to being
abused and/or rejected. Other
causes of loneliness were directly tied to a romantic partner or
significant other, whether it was missing someone through a consciously
chosen decision, by circumstance or by having one’s heart broken.
Very often when a broken heart was mentioned, there would have also
been a description of missing that person as well.
Overall, loneliness seemed to be caused by a lack of close
friends/social network due to a variety of reasons suggested by the other
four categories (abuse or rejection, broken heart, missing someone, and
misfit) as possible causes of this lack of social network.
Descriptions
of loneliness. Eight
descriptions seemed to be associated with the experience of loneliness.
They were in order of frequency: pain, no direction/purpose,
nothingness, trait loneliness, being overwhelmed, no control, no emotion,
scared/afraid and anger/hatred. Pain was the most frequently mentioned category out of all
the categories of loneliness found in the analysis of the poems and
narratives. It is clear that
loneliness was a painful experience for these individuals. So painful at times, that some people described it as
overwhelming and for some it seemed to last a long time as highlighted in
the trait loneliness category.
A feeling
of having no direction or purpose was the second most frequent category
and was associated with being lost or confused.
Nothingness was usually a feeling that occurred when the authors
felt a lack of social support around them, and so this void or emptiness
was formed. Other authors
felt a lack of control over their emotions, and described their emotions
as betraying them, or locking them up, keeping them prisoner and so forth. It was as if their emotions had a life of their own.
In some cases, loneliness was personified, as in the poem,
“Loneliness is a tall, dark man.” Loneliness was also associated with feeling no emotions,
usually described as cold. One
case explicated stated the inability to feel emotions and resembled some
kind of psychic numbness.
The last
two categories were being scared or afraid and anger and hatred.
Usually feelings of being scared and afraid were associated with
authors’ fear of being alone. One individual expressed an almost pathological need to be in
the proximity of someone at all times.
The associated feeling was that of a lack of security, which may
take on special significance if the person lives in a hostile environment.
For those who expressed feelings of anger or hatred, it is usually
expressed against loneliness itself.
In some cases, though, it was expressed against people (i.e., I
hate people).
Coping
mechanisms. There were a
variety of coping mechanisms mentioned in the poems and narratives.
These were, in order of frequency mentioned in the poems and
narratives: desire for someone, crying, hiding feelings, inactivity,
withdrawing, death, religion, sleep, use of drugs and pushing others away.
Most people thought that if they had someone special in their lives
their loneliness would dissipate. This
would make sense since most authors perceived that their loneliness was
coming from a lack of social network or a sense of alienation.
This thought seemed to be a conscious expression of their desire to
fill their void or nothingness. The
second most frequent coping category, crying, reflected another dimension
of loneliness, namely, how painful it is.
Perhaps one of the first and most common reactions to pain is
crying. It would make sense,
therefore, that crying would appear so frequently.
One
interesting coping strategies mentioned by the authors was hiding
feelings. Authors expressed
hiding their feelings particularly because the expression of such feelings
was not socially acceptable. It
made them seem weak in an environment where they wanted to appear strong. Authors talked about being a professional faker, or wearing a
mask so as to appear acceptable.
Some coping
strategies suggested a general ‘pulling away’ from the painful
experience of loneliness. These
included, withdrawing, death, sleep and use of drugs.
Living in a dream world, or constructing dreams (such as the
perfect mate, the knight in shining armor) were central ideas in
withdrawing. Also mentioned
was suicide and death as a means of escaping loneliness.
Sleep and use of drugs also fell within this general mode of coping
as well.
Another
interesting category is inactivity. Surprisingly
a lot of authors revealed periods of inactivity such as sitting and
thinking, lying in bed, and curled up in a ball.
What were they thinking about?
The general experience associated with this category was thinking
about loneliness itself. Most
of the times authors were self-reflective, trying to make sense out of why
they feel lonely (what did I do to deserve this punishment?) or thinking
about their life in general. It
was associated to the ideas of being lost or having no direction/purpose
and no control. Feeling
powerless or paralyzed might have caused inactivity, but also authors
seemed to be trying to figure out what this loneliness was, where it came
from and what they could have done about it.
The use of
religion as a means of coping was a way of appealing to a ‘higher
power’ to somehow bring about supernatural changes, in some cases, so
desperately needed. For
example, praying that the right person will come along.
In one case, God was used as a substitutive replacement for having
people around, i.e., God was the perfect person they were looking for and
filled the void for social interaction.
Other uses of religion simply involved an exclamation appealing to
God, e.g. “oh God…”
The
last, relatively, infrequent category was pushing others away. In
this instance, people were perceived to be the source of pain and there
was more desire to be alone rather than with someone else.
Summary
This
study revealed 24 different subjective categories of causes and
descriptions of loneliness and coping strategies. The most frequent
cause of loneliness was not having the desired social interaction.
Descriptions of loneliness suggested that loneliness is painful,
prolonged, paralyzing, and evokes both fear and anger. The coping
strategies mentioned in most cases tended to avoid dealing with the
problem of loneliness directly and instead sought activities and thoughts
that tended to deflect the experience of loneliness.
  
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